Christmas Eve 2008

Okay, it looks like I’ll have to type this one in very large print because I can’t find my computer glasses. The glasses are unique because I only need one lens so I popped the right one out.

I shouldn’t be surprised at this point on Christmas Eve, that I’m behind and can’t find my glasses. I still have Christmas stocking gifts to wrap and stockings to stuff. I thought I was off the hook because our older daughter is 31, but I was wrong.

I was pretty organized this year and thought I would finally arrive at one late night Christmas Evening service without feeling frazzled and looking like I’ve been dragged through a knothole. Last minute details (assigned to others, I might add) fell through and I found myself at Macy’s on Christmas Eve. late afternoon looking for the “perfect gift.” The only thing really perfect was the prices.

But driving home tonight after one last run to the store, I realized that the parts of Christmas that are most important to me all happened. I got to spend time with both daughters making tamales and watch them revert to their old childhood patterns of sibling rivalry. Some things never change, but I see now that it is all right. Especially when one of the girls stuffed blueberries up her nostrils and we laughed until we cried. I won’t tell you how old she is.

I took a homemade turkey pie and some other good food stuff to a long-time friend who is older and doesn’t get out much anymore. I was the one who felt blessed by the opportunity to stop and visit, get a hug and a bristly kiss and know we had connected once more.

Today I also took a friend out to lunch who was suffering from self-inflicted houseboundness. She didn’t want to go, but I kind of nudged and we were both glad we had the chance to eat a good meal and catch up. I thought I was doing it for her, but I appreciated having someone to talk with too.

I made a stop at a Walgreen’s for one more last-minute gift and ran into a dear friend. She is someone I admire very much and also someone who has had a very difficult life and yet she perseveres. I had written her a Christmas card to tell her I loved her and she said she hadn’t read it yet. We hugged, kissed and said “I love you” in the midst of the store and for a moment we understood each other’s unspoken needs and parts of life we wish were different.

If I hadn’t stopped, or it had been a minute one way or the other, I wouldn’t have run into her and it was such a gift in the midst of the Christmas wrap aisle at Walgreen’s.

This is where grace comes in. I don’t think the moments of unexpected joy, beauty, nature or what others would call a coincidence are anything but little gifts from one who loves us. I wish you all many moments of grace in the upcoming year and I wish you the wisdom to recognize it and be thankful when you experience grace.

Gratitude

Letters for Susan

It was good to see you last week. I’ve missed writing the little columns. My last one was July 2007. You made me realize that I still want to write them. I’m going to start again with a blog spot I haven’t been using for anything. I’ m not sure how often I’ll write, but at least once a week because it feels good to start thinking about what I want to write about again. I set it up when I had a client and then the work was too stupid, so I quit. I’m not usually a quitter but I have less patience for stupidity and time-wasting than I used to. I do try to be nicer to people than I used to be because it seems like life is much harder lately and an extra smile or pleasant word won’t kill me and might be good for me.

It seems like we’re living in a very difficult time no matter where I look. The news is not often very cheery. Christmas used to be more fun. We could burn fires in our fireplaces without worrying about the air police. I understand the need to reduce pollution. My background is in energy conservation, but it would be nice to have some good news wouldn’t it?

When I think back about the months when I was recuperating and couldn’t do anything for myself, I realize how little control we have over anything and how most of the things I thought were so important weren’t. The house didn’t fall down because things didn’t get done my way. The garden suffered but gardens change and evolve anyhow, so now I have a different garden. It’s the same with some of my friendships. People I thought would stay in touch while I was out of circulation didn’t, but other friendships deepened and I treasure them more.

So I try to find the bright spots and listen to music that soothes me or escape into books and do centering prayer. I should have done that tonight instead of eating nearly an entire bag of gingersnaps that aren’t going to be kind to me later on tonight. I don’t know what got into me, but I just felt a little crazy and went for them. I guess I’d better not buy those anymore.

It’s getting late, time to go home and escape into a book. Tonight the word is gratitude. I have much to be grateful for and I need to remember that when I get home and the bathroom is all torn up from a shower leak and the house is cold because Jim sets the thermostat very low in the evening. I’ll slide into my flannel nightgown and then stick to my flannel sheets like one of those storyboards we used to have in Sunday school and think of your house all warm and cozy. Love and peace, pat

p.s. Here are some photos I took of our pets today. Elmo the cat especially enjoyed the photo session. Can you tell how happy he is?